


comfort

by The Key To Imagine (whiskeywit)



Category: The Beatles
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 03:28:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10428126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiskeywit/pseuds/The%20Key%20To%20Imagine
Summary: Title: ComfortWord Count: 2325Rating: PG/PG-13Note: I know I post quite a lot of fics. But I can't help the fact my mind is spinning sometimes! ;)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Backup of old fic originally posted to the Beatles community JohnheartPaul, currently residing on key_to_imagine, currently in locked status. Summary contains the header as is on the LJ post.
> 
> Originally posted pre 28 DECEMBER 2008.

He now needed someone to comfort him or something. Someone who’d understand him and stand by him and caress him or something. Someone who could get him out of the roller-coaster of Beatlemania. It had been fun in the beginning, yes. But now, after a couple of years, it wasn’t anymore. The last years had been awful. Plain awful. They weren’t able to go out anymore, at least, not without security telling them what to do. Their live performances were a disaster because of the girls yelling so loud they couldn’t hear themselves play anymore and the fainting girls were no good either. They just didn’t have time for themselves anymore, everything was about the band and popularity. He absolutely hated it. They had plane flights pretty much every day, and if they weren’t in a plane, they were either performing, running for their lives, or spending the boring time in hotel rooms. He wasn’t concious in which city they were now, he never was. Only in the very beginning they’d known it but now not anymore. How could a man remember in which city he was when he was in another one every single day? He was getting sick of it, sick of the travelling, sick of not being able to be with his loved ones. He hadn’t seen Cynthia in weeks now, and then not to mind his aunt. And then, there was the almost-plane crash, he had panicked because of that, didn’t want to die that way, not willing to end his life that tragic, just as Buddy Holly. And there had been the disastrous performance of yesterday evening, when there had been a huge bang when they were on stage. He still didn’t know whether it was a real gunshot or some fake little piece of firework. He had known they had to get out of there, they’d been threatened. And all because of that stupid ‘’Beatles are better than Jesus’’ quote of his in a magazine. And it hadn’t even been that way. He’d said it much different. Not like he cared now. He was just breaking down right now. So he needed someone, someone to comfort him. 

And not some all too willing fan, he was fed up with them. If he wanted to fuck, he could fuck, there were always girls hanging around them. And begging to take them with them to their rooms. He didn’t want any of them, there were too much. Just, too much. He wanted the motherly love, of the love of his wife. But his mum died a long long time ago, and Cynthia wasn’t here and she couldn’t come over so quickly neither. If they wanted to see each other, there were days of planning before, so that wasn’t quickly enough. Not now. 

He wanted to quit touring. He knew George had made that decision a long time ago already, he had got fed up with it because of their limitations on stage, and he didn’t like the yelling and screaming. Always been the musician of the four of them, lesser the performer. The true performer amongst them, he thought, was definitely Paul. It fitted with him. He probably never wanted to quit, and Ringo still liked it too. So now it was fifty-fifty. To quit or not to quit? He definitely hoped for the first one. Then, maybe, he could spend some more time with family and friends. If he even had that many friends, most of the people they met just wanted to be friends because they were the Beatles, not because of them as persons.

There was someone knocking on the door. Probably Epstein, he thought. Their manager came in every now and then, saying it was because of their songs, because of his work, but John definitely knew better. He knew Brian fancied him, still. He’d fancied him all along, and once he had let Brian go down on him, in Spain that was. But he had also clearly said he never wanted that again. It hadn’t felt right. Not really disgusting or something, besides, he’d just been experimenting, but it hadn’t felt right in the sense of love. He didn’t love Eppy anyway.

It weren’t him though. It was Paul’s voice shouting from the other side of the room, asking if he was alright. Yeah, he thought, I am alright. I feel miserable, like rubbish, I don’t know what to do and I miss Cynthia, no, I miss love. 

‘’John!’’ Paul shouted again, ‘’I know something is wrong with you!’’

‘’There’s nothing wrong, just get the fuck away!’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Because I want to be alone! ‘’

‘’You have been alone for two hours already! Besides, it is my room too! And I wanna go to bed!’’

‘’Do you bring a bird with you?’’ John definitely not wanted that a fan would see him in a state like this. He was sobbing, probably that was the cause why Paul wanted to get in the room so desperate. Paul always knew when someone was crying, or sobbing, or just sad.

‘’No, do you want one then? I could go find someone...’’

‘’No, it’s ok.’’ He also knew that Paul would stay on the other side of the door until he let him in. So there wasn’t much of a decision to make now. Besides, Paul probably had been smoking pot or so, which meant that he’d pass out the moment he hit the bed.

So he walked towards the door and unlocked it. But it didn’t look like Paul had been smoking nor drinking anything at all. Paul looked, in fact, rather bright. Very bright, especially compared to the state of mind John was in. Sure, Paul loved the fans, the performing, it made him feel good.

‘’Jesus! John! What is the matter with you? You look like complete rubbish!’’

‘’Oh! As if I didn’t know that already! And lock the door behind you, will you?’’

So he walked back to his bed, or in fact, the hotel bed, and Paul locked the door behind them. 

‘’Do, do you want to talk about it?’’ Paul asked

John sighed. Paul, always being, or at least trying to be, the careful person. And this lit a light. He did need someone to comfort him, and who on earth knew him better than his best friend, Paul? Besides, Paul had been through all the same mania as him so... So he might just as well tell everything to Paul. Maybe Paul could calm him down or something. He probably was able to do that, he’d done the same when John’s mum had died. Coming to think of it, that probably was the only other time that Paul had see him cry. 

‘’Dunno, actually’’

‘’There’s something really bothering you, isn’t there?’’

‘’I want to quit touring’’ John knew he could be a bit bold sometimes, but he hadn’t meant to say it just like this. Not just blurt it out, it would probably upset Paul anyway.

‘’Yeah. I can understand that.’’

Now Paul suddenly understood it? Wait, was this just some joke then? But from the look on Paul’s face he could see Paul was dead serious.

‘’And I miss love’’ Didn’t that sound very wrong? 

‘’What?’’ Paul looked rather confused, indeed.

‘’I miss someone to love me. You know, I miss Cyn and very often when I finally meet her again it is good in the beginning and then later I don’t mind her being there and I even so well sleep with fan girls.’’

Oops. He definitely hadn’t meant to say that. He hadn’t even thought about the feelings he had for Cyn. He definitely loved her still, he loved Julian too, but their marriage had been too forced in the beginning, and he felt like he was a really bad dad for Julian. He pretty much never was there, always travelling around the world. And if they finally were together, John got the feeling of being locked up and he fled away from home. To drink.

Paul sat down next to him. Too close? Their sides were touching, their thighs, their whole bodies in fact. But hadn’t it always been like that? Paul sighed.

‘’I know. I feel the same about Jane. I don’t know what I can do about it, but our relationship doesn’t feel that good anymore. Not like it was in the very beginning. And now, when she’s not here, I suddenly miss her. I think it is just that you need someone who loves you or something. I only don’t think I love her that much anymore. Yeah, I still love her but I think there’s an other person I’ve loved more and longer.’’

Did Paul’s face look a bit flushed now? Well, even if it was, he couldn’t care less. At least, he thought he wouldn’t. But rather unconscious he started thinking about it. The facts in one line: Paul, concerned, saying he loved someone more than Jane, and now, flushed. And not to forget about: sitting very close next to him. 

‘’Paul, you sod, why the fuck are you blushing?’’ John blurted out in disbelief. He could now see that Paul’s eyes were starting to fill with tears.

‘’I... John... I don’t know what’s the matter with me!’’ Paul said, rather desperate.

‘’What’s wrong then?’’ He just had to ask... Already having a slight feeling what the thing bothering Paul might be...

‘’I don’t think I can, er, tell you, John. You wouldn’t understand...’’

‘’Paul, sod, you’re sitting close to me, almost on me lap, you’re blushing and saying you love someone else more and longer than Jane. And now you aren’t going to say it while I think I am perfectly able to guess what it is meself? Come on, just say it already!’’

‘’OK’’ Paul yelled. ‘’You want to know it, so you’re going to get to know it! I think er, I think I might love, er...’’ He started to sob now.

‘’Me.’’ John said. He knew it! And he didn’t know if he should like it or not. Well, ironically enough, now there was one who could eh... Caress him.

Paul looked at him. He had a red nose and wet eyelashes. And John found him, to be true, rather attractive. And he didn’t want to think that way. He didn’t just suddenly turn queer, did he? He wasn’t a poof or something, was he? Of course he wasn’t. He’d slept with hundreds of birds, he was married, had a son.

But on the other side, Brian had wanted to go down on him. And the worse part, he had let him. Had even wanted it. Just trying out, wanting to know if it was different to know with a girl or a boy. And it had been. It only hadn’t felt right.

And of course, they’d had wanking sessions. When they were younger, together with one or two boys or something. A thousand times or more with Paul, he couldn’t remember how oft. Even in Hamburg a few, even during recording the film Help! they’d had a few! And they of course had sometimes fucked in the same room. They’d seen each other having a fuck indeed. But it had never exited him, had it? He didn’t know anymore, couldn’t think right.

‘’But... John, won’t you tell anybody else about it? Could you imagine what would happen if others would find out about it, if the world and the fans would find out! The Beatles would be ruined. A poof manager, all right. They can take that. Only barely but they can. But if one of the guys turns out to be in love... er... with one of the other band members?’’

He sighed. And then Paul just made it more confusing for him. Paul kissed him. It wasn’t a kiss in a drunk mood, of which John was almost sure they’d done while being half passes out already. It was just a kiss... Of love. At least, from Paul’s side it was anyway. But it felt different anyway. Than kissing a fan girl. Than kissing Cyn. Of course, Paul was his best mate, had been his best mate for years now. But still... It shouldn’t feel like this, it shouldn’t feel like it fitted, shouldn’t feel like it was right, but it all did and it puzzled John, no, it made him feel like he was falling apart. In a nice way. 

Paul looked at John.

‘’John! John! Are you er. Alright?’’

John just nodded.

‘’I didn’t mean to do this. It just, er...’’

‘’It’s alright, Paul. It really is.’’

‘’No it isn’t. I shouldn’t have done that. Shouldn’t have er. Kissed you. Shouldn’t ever have told my feelings for you. I shouldn’t have done it.’’

‘’But you have and you can’t change it’’

Paul started sobbing again. John sighed. How was he going to handle this? Paul was most definitely confused with his own feelings. And so was John. To be honest, he hadn’t had such a good kiss in a long long time. So he decided to do what seemed best then... He kissed Paul back.

And Paul looked at him again. With big eyes. With a bit of shock in them. Much shock, to be honest. He knew. And John knew. They both did. And they decided they needed some time together. 

 

Later. Another knock on the door.

‘’John! Paul! Everything alright with you?’’ George yelled. But he didn’t get any answer. 

John and Paul had finally found their comfort. The comfort they needed, and someone who stood by them in rough times. They’d found each other. For the second time in their lives, and much better this time. And they weren’t planning on letting go of each other.

And if the door hadn’t been locked, he’d found John and Paul sound asleep, in one and the same bed, in each other’s arms.  



End file.
